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Excerpts from the Cartographer’s Guide #382 ~ Regarding Zombies

In the course of your adventures across the Multiverse, you will doubtlessly encounter any number of interesting worlds. There are adorable fairy worlds filled with colorful and pleasant characters- scenic wilderness worlds, and bustling cities of interesting people. There are also worlds in which the hordes of the undead will regularly attempt to tear you limb from limb, and the odds are that this is going to be a bit more concerning for most of our readers. In this section, we’ll offer some helpful advice for dealing with zombies, and how you should prepare for these invaders, should you find yourself stranded on an apocalyptic world. 

 

  1. First and foremost, zombies are generally only as intelligent as the force that is reanimating them. If you are dealing with the servants of necromancers, deranged alchemists, or nefarious cybernetic synergists, you will likely face zombies that are more of a threat than things reanimated by, say, a deadly fungal infection. However, since infections tend to be more virulent, most hordes of the undead are either the result of bioweaponry or genetic meddling on the part of Nomanisone travelers who think Zombies are amusing. Whatever the case, keep in mind the following notable information:
  2. Zombies are not actually alive- this much should be obvious simply from their horrifying appearance and despicable moans. As such, you shouldn’t feel too bad about finding new, innovative, and violent ways to deal with the undead. Also keep in mind that any spells or technological devices targeted at zombies will generally fail, unless you happen to have specific enchantments or engineering proficiencies targeted at non-living creatures. Generally speaking, zombies will continue to attack mindlessly unless rendered completely incapable of doing so, and will not be stopped by wounds that would incapacitate a living creature. 
  3. Generally, zombies are also not very intelligent. Simple palisade walls and spike trenches, (Things any good interdimensional traveler should know how to make), are generally effective against them. However, one of the biggest dangers in this respect is becoming too cocky, and underestimating the creatures. Irritating zombies frequently provokes any undead in the nearby area, (Particularly with fungal husks), and as such you will likely need to steadily increase your defensive capabilities.
  4. And finally, it’s surprising how frequently we’re asked if you can eat rotten zombie flesh. NO. You cannot eat rotten zombie flesh. We don’t care if you’re a Terran with a squeamish stomach, or a Greater Argylian who thinks they can eat anything without any consequences- you cannot eat this, so don’t even try. (Why would you even want to? This is even weirder than the reoccurring questions people keep sending us about water buffalos. Seriously.)

Have any questions about traveling the Multiverse, interesting things you can find in the Multiverse, and new and exciting deadly pathogens that can be found in the Multiverse? You could have your question featured in this section of practical advice for interdimensional travelers! Find a local geometric tesseract, and scream your question into the tesseract in question while using a quantum destabilizer to enhance the temporal repercussions of your hollering. 

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